Holy. Fucking. Fuck.

These are the times when I realize I'm not alone in this world. Oh no, there are other pervs out there, with too much hardware and too much time.

The NovInt Falcon. Basic idea: You hold onto the little ball in the front and can move on 3 axes. However, there's force feedback on all of those axes, meaning that it will actually push against you. So, if you shoot a gun, you actually get recoil. If you run into a wall, you will actually feel the force. The motors on all the axes are decently strong, too. Here's an incredibly underinformed video that at least gets the point across:

I've been lusting after this thing for the better part of 2 years, as I think it has real potential as a user interface device. I always thought it'd be cool to hook it to one of the poke-the-doll games like Virtually Jenna and have tactile feedback in... Well, use your imagination. However, I totally didn't think of actually fucking the device itself.

But thank fucking GOD people read this and send me their ideas. What you see there is a falcon attached to a fleshlight. There's no fastening mechanism in the picture, but according to the person who sent this to me, tape can be used as long as there's some sort of level for the fleshlight to rest on. With the right amount of lubrication, the motors will take care of the linear movement and you now have your very own desktop fucking machine, with stylish footprint that you don't have to hide from your parents!

The fleshlight looks like it was almost designed for this use! Though using something lighter, like a Tenga or Nue, might be preferable. For those looking for outies instead of innies, this is a prime candidate for the already popular Vaculock dildo system

The Falcon comes with debugging software that, when used in conjunction with a mouse movement recorder, can play patterns. The movements can be generated, saved, and replayed.

And don't worry about fucking it too hard, 'cause...

"Yes, the Falcon is designed to be durable. Although it is a precision instrument, it is not delicate or something to be babied. So we do not anticipate that mechanical failures are going to be a issue with the Falcon. This is one reason why we extended our warranty to a full year - we are confident in its durability."

Man, posts like this are why I still run this page.

And you can bet I'll be working on this myself.