As part of our new series, "qDot covers old indiegogo campaigns in
lieu of actually writing about relevant topics," we present the
Blackcatbox by Sikwrx (No I don't know how
to pronounce it either),
an indiegogo campaign for which ran in Nov-Dec 2013.
It is a STROKING DEVICE, YOU UNCULTURED FUCKWIT. IT IS NOT A FUCKING
VIBRATOR AND HOW DARE YOU THINK SUCH. GAH. HOW COULD YOU EVEN.
Luckily this anger means it's findable in an indiegogo search for
"vibrator" which is how I'm mostly finding campaigns to write about
now.
So yeah. Before I dive into this, let me quote the last line on their
indiegogo campaign page:
We hope we have not offended anyone in any way, our designs and
approach to our product is intended for mature people.
Remember that. Now watch this (in silence, as they somehow forgot to
add the audio track to the video)..
Ok now that you've suffered through that, here's a static picture of
the toy.
That's definitely... a thing. In that I'm not sure I have words for
it, or the language that I speak even has words for it. I guess
they're eschewing the modern "amorphous blob ergonomics" look for
"3-eyed pink snail wearing a FUCKING FABULOUS SADDLE."
Don't get me wrong, I like pink snails wearing fabulous fucking
saddles. Love might not even be too strong a word in this matter.
I don't think I want them between my legs though.
To be fair, when building something with a linear thrusting mechanism,
you have to put the hardware somewhere, and this is definitely a
novel way to do it. It's one of the smaller encasements I've seen for
that kind of mechanism, though that also makes me wonder how they deal
with battery life while simultaneously powering a radio and something
that needs to be strong enough to overcome pelvic muscle contractions.
I can't find any videos of the toy in use to prove it can do so, even.
Anyways, you or someone else can control your saddle snail with a
smartphone, though it actually has wifi built in, meaning similarly to
LovePalz, you don't need to
be tethered to a bluetooth device to use it. I can't find a place to
get the control app for either iPhone or Android though.
The campaign netted a grand total of US$277, slightly short of
their $100,000 goal. Their
twitter account netted something
close to 3k followers, though most look to be spam/bought follows.
However, their website already lists the
product for sale, at the price of $250 a piece. Apparently there are
90-some in stock of the orange and pink, and "fgxn gnfgn fg" of the
purple. The Download app page is Lorem Ipsum'd, the blog link goes
nowhere. Doesn't exactly instill trust.
But now everyone at least knows of my love for pink snails with
saddles. So this post was worth it.
