So, unless you've been hiding under a rock or just generally don't pay attention to video games (around here, we consider those to be on equal ground), you've probably heard about the Nintendo Revolution Controller Annoucement. Just in case you can't pick up how it is to be used in the article, check out this promotional video.

Now I personally believe that Nintendo fucking r00lz, and that it's seriously about fucking time someone breaks the "ubiquitous joystick/button" combo style that console gaming has settled into. I could go on about this, and do, over on Nonpolynomial Labs, but I'm trying to keep all of my control theory postings over there now, because a lot of people find that stuff not so sexy. :)

Anyways, it seems that gamers have decided that, for some reason, a TV remote is a sex toy. It's probably the fact that the remote vibrates, but still, it's a fucking remote, people. I don't remember anyone shoving TV remotes up their ass anytime in the last 40 or so years we've had them, so why start now, just because it vibrates?

There's been jokes on what the additions to the controller could be like.

There are those who realize you have one hand free.

And then there's the many, many, many forum threads that I'm suddenly finding in my referers, all talking about what holes this new control scheme will fill.

Fuck, why even list links, just google Nintendo Revolution Sex Toy.

I can't for the life of me understand why a boxy vibrating remote triggered this off. I mean, hell, both the current xbox and PS2 controllers have nice, round grips, ergonomically fit for your hands, which means curvy enough to fit other places. But for some reason, people on the internet like shoving right angles in their hoo-haa.

Maybe I miss the stalls for the dongs these days. Maybe I'm just too experienced with hooking real sex toys into controllers to go au natural with a FUCKING RECTANGLE.

The fact still remains: You people are weird.

Money does not breed maturity: Rockstar Games Rebuttal

There's a new consumer advocacy group in town, and they're called the Citizens United Negating Technology For Life And People's Safety.

That's right. For those of you who are acronymically-challenged, that's the C.U.N.T.F.L.A.P.S.

Letting everyone know that the Internet is wrong and should be turned off (in swank 1996 era tables, flashing text, and large blocks of color), we've come up on the newest committee bent on harming the technology that harms us.

Except there's a little problem, in the form of their WHOIS info....

Registrant:

Rockstar Games

622 Broadway

New York, NY 10012

US

Domain Name: CITIZENSUNITEDNEGATINGTECHNOLOGY.COM

Administrative Contact, Technical Contact:

Rockstar Games domains@take2games.com

622 Broadway

New York, NY 10012

US

212-334-6633 fax: 123 123 1234

Record expires on 15-Jun-2008.

Record created on 15-Jun-2005.

Database last updated on 19-Sep-2005 15:09:04 EDT.

Domain servers in listed order:

NS.TAKE2GAMES.COM 63.236.94.5

NS5.TAKE2GAMES.COM 63.236.94.4

So yeah, remember, just because you're a multi-million dollar game company, you don't have to stop acting like a Forum Goon.

(And no, that's not always a bad thing. This is honestly somewhat funny, if a little blunt. A good description of the backing company, too...)

Via the IGDA Sex in Games Mailing List

Update: Apparently this is part of the viral ad site network for the upcoming GTA for the PSP. It's even listed on the game page.

I r teh dumbass.

Ghett-oh: Audi-oh fo' da po'

The Audi-oh. It's a fine piece of machinery that hooks up to your Walkman/Discman/iPodman and turns those thumpin' bass vibrations into thumpin' motor vibrations. Unfortunatly, it'll also run you around $70US, and really, who has that kinda money these days?

Enter the Ghett-oh. All you need is your basic electronics modding equipment, a spare CD drive to rip apart, and a variable resistor of some type. Rip out of the motor and a transistor, wire them up to the audio jack you also ripped out of the CD drive, and boom, you've got yourself some new-fangled sex toyage!

Sweet. Totally sweet. I love you, Slashdong Forum Posters.

Highjoy and Jenna Jamison form like a really weak Voltron (Subscription only article, get a login from BugMeNot

So it appears that HighJoy and Jenna Jamison have teamed up to make turn a boring sex simulator and a DRM'd sex toy into a tepid marketing scheme. Now you too can pay way, way too much money on a remote sex toy because Jenna told you too.

You'd figure they'd combine it with the video game, or something, but no, they're just using her and her girls as a spokesperson.

"Technological breakthrough" my ass.

Wait. That last sentence didn't sound right. At all.

Via Fleshbot, and our best wishes to Jonno and Violet (I know you'll call me. Someday. sigh :) ), both of whom are kicking ass keeping the blog up considering their respective situations right now.

The All-In-One Package

Remember Fu-Fme? The joke website that was most people's first introduction to teledildonics? Well now Homemade Sex Toys has gone and sort of implemented the male side of that setup, implanting a pocket pussy in the drive bays of a case to make a fuckable computer (no remote control, unfortunatly. All it would've taken is a 5v fan line with software controller... :) ). Now, there's a few questionable things about this, like, say, the fact that THERE'S ONLY A PIECE OF DUCT TAPE between you and DEATH BY ELECTROJIZZ, but hey, if you're stupid enough to stick your genetalia that close to a power supply, you might as well enjoy a little electrostim. So next time you're courting your online love who may not be real (warning: link can cause large dent in work day, SFW) or making some fuck with that Dark Elf you just bought off of eBay, you can use the the heat of your video card to make the situation more... personal.