TOYSTOYSTOYSTOYSTOYSTOYSTOYS!

One of the absolutely wonderful things about running a site like this is the crap that I can order and call "research equipment". What would usually be attributed to a lonely, pervy bastard can now be an INSTRUMENT OF SCIENCE.

First, an anecdote. In the silly, ridiculously boring days of college, we used to go down to the local Hastings and see how much music we could buy for under $10. Since there was a bin of <$1 CDs, we usually walked away with a good bit of stuff. It was this hobby that led me to realize that 29 cent reggae was much, much better than 39 cent reggae. The 29 cent reggae came on a tape that itself probably cost more than what we paid. It had a certain, I don't know, "dimeless" feel that the 39 cent reggae didn't. There was more soul, more feeling... A feeling only costing 10 cents less could bring.

It was with this hope that I ordered 10 ridiculously cheap vibrators from Amazon. 5 of the 79 cent "Lady Fingers", and 5 of the $1.29 "Magic Wand Personal Massagers". Would the 79 cent vibrators overcome? Would the extra 50 cents prove to be a insurmountable gap? WHO WOULD REIGN SURPREME IN VIBRATOR ARENA? Pensive Chairman Kaga Look

Oh yeah, and I finally ordered a Rez Trancevibrator, because if anyone on this Earth should own one, it should be me.

Now, I'm not really in the field of reviewing sex toys (mainly because I'm too busy taking them apart), but when you've got the combination of a 79 cent vibrator, a $1.29 vibrator, and the Rez Trancevibrator, well, it's just something you've gotta write about.

So, let's start from the bottom and work our way up.

Metallic Pink Slim Line Lady Finger Mini Massager Vibrator (Pink no longer available. IT'S NOW A COLLECTORS ITEM! HAH! It's going next to my Magic The Gathering Cards in my safe deposit box!)

Pros:

• It's pink
• It's glittery
• It's 99 fucking cents (I got them for 79, HAH!), for christ sake
• Hard Plastic is great if you want to hurt people while hitting them with a vibrator

Cons:

• Hard plastic just doesn't do it for me.. In this day and age, we have cyberskin. We no longer have to shove hard plastic into soft holes. Why stoop to the level of cavemen?
• Requires 2 Double A batteries, in such a way that it would be an absolute bitch to mod

Overall Rating: Well, at least it matches the Pink Sparkly Buttplug of DOOM.

5 Speed Magic Wand Personal Massager Vibrator

Pros:

• Might as well be a nightstick. It's overwhelming stature makes it great for winning arguments
• Ok, not nightstick, LIGHT SABER. It works even better if you make the VOOOOOOOOOOOM sounds while battling your foe.
• If you squint at the picture, you can see that the switch is a little heart! Cute!
• Comes with 5 speeds: Slow Pulse, Medium Pulse, High Pulse, Rough Um Up a Little, Ike Loves You Baby
• Hard Plastic is great if you want to hurt people while hitting them with a vibrator

Cons:

• A 9 volt battery. It takes a fucking 9 volt battery. So you have a choice. Use this vibrator, or have a working smoke alarm. 'cause you KNOW you don't have any 9v batteries laying around. Just better hope the thing doesn't catch fire.
• I don't have any 9v motor drivers sitting around! Fuck, I'm gonna have to order even MORE chips!

Overall Rating: Better than the lady finger, so the Vibrators group is not isomorphic with Reggae group.

The Rez TranceVibrator

Pros:

• I have renamed this LOINQUAKE, as it contains the possiblity of THIGH LIQUIFICATION. Seriously, when combined with an 820 watt Home Theatre system and Rez on the PS2, I believe we compromised the structural integrity of our house
• Easily modded, for her pleasure

Cons:

• Tough to find these days. I got mine on eBay for $30 after shipping. From Hong Kong, no less.

Overall Rating: Why didn't ANY of you tell me how fucking powerful this thing was? This is really one of the most powerful vibe motors I've ever seen, esp for the size and power draw. W T F.

I've already got the USB drivers working with C++ and C#, so more mods will be coming for this one soon. The others, well, they'll make a nice windchime.

Second Life opens free lifetime basic accounts

You've heard me rave about it. You've watched it single-handedly drive this site from 8 posts a week to 1 if we're lucky. I don't remember any of my friends names, I'm not sure if I have a fiancee any longer, and I haven't seen the sun in 3 weeks, but WHO CARES! Second Life accounts are now free!

Second Life basic accounts (you can't own Linden Land, but you can still rent land) are now free. Lifetime accounts, no monthly fees, and a really neat world to check out. This is the platform I'll be using for the actuation of some of our new projects, as adding a virtual world to sex tech is ever so spiffy. Every fetish (and my god, I do mean EVERY fetish) is represented in world, so there really is something for everyone.

(Oh yeah, and use "qDot Bunnyhug" as a referer, and message me once you get in, I'll be in world most of the evening. :) )

DIY Remote Controlled Vibrator made by student for scavenger hunt

This is a vibrator that would make McGuyver proud.

This vibrator was built for a student scavenger hunt competition at University of Melbourne. It uses the same thrusting motion as the Priceless (except it uses a flywheel instead of groove axel). The communications scheme works through the parallel port of a PC, giving you instant wireless internet access through a webserver, and bluetooth access by using a phone in a way that I'm not sure it was originally meant to be used. The whole project, including schematics and source code, are to be open sourced soon. Neat!

via Boing Boing

Unless you've been in hiding from most every type of media in the last couple of days, you probably know that Google has released it's own IM and Audio Chat service. However, the big news (for us, at least) is that it's based on Jabber, the XML-based open communications standard. In my first article on the FreeSex Network, I mentioned that Jabber would probably be the best platform to implement a free, open-source teledildonics service on, due to the open standards and cross-platform support. However, at the time that was written, there was no audio or video conferencing support for Jabber, which is one of the base requirements for a decent teledildonics network. Now that Google has picked up the project, they've already fulfilled the audio chat requirement, and are hinting that video chat will be available by the end of this beta. They also mentioned that while SSL is not currently possible directly through the service (there are SSL jabber relays available to fix this for the moment), they will be implementing secure messaging. So will Google enable the first open source, free, secure teledildonics network? We'll certainly be keeping an eye on Google Talk and its API, so expect updates as we think of ways to horribly pervert the service.

Sex Documentary looking for female participants

So I guess /8===> tends to cater to people with "different sexual choices" since I keep getting emails for these things. Ah well, who am I to deny anyone their 15 minutes of fame.

Documentary TV production company seeks women of all sexual orientations (queer/straight, single/in relationship(s)) to be featured in the second season of a program on The Documentary Channel. The show explores the world of people's sexual adventures and we would like to talk to women who have interesting sexual lives outside of the "norm" who would like to share their stories. If you are interested, please e-mail and we can discuss further. Thanks! rachel(at)8storey(dawt)com

Disclaimer: You make a fool of yourself on this show, don't blame me. Just tell me when it's on so I can laugh watch.