There's a lot of data to be had in porn. Word usage, positions, speeds, etc. Since data is the new porn these days, data about porn is like, DOUBLE porn.

Luckily, there are researchers out there who've realized this. Sexualitics is a site dedicated to publishing research on data mined from porn sites with APIs available. Currently they have a database of 800,000 xhamster video metadata pieces, and are doing n-gram analysis of descriptions.

For instance, this chart shows the usage of "milf" versus "teen" over the past 5 years.

You can track their research via the @sexualitics twitter account. They've also got a pre-print of their first publiciation available for reading, and all of the data is available on github.

Via Hacker News

I've been talking about using different biometrics for sex toys for years now. But I have to say, I had never thought about it for teach people the move (remember: counter clockwise swirl but only at the end).

But that's exactly what the Time to Squirt watch is. An accelerometer, some gesture detection algorithms, 3 LEDs, and a wrist are all you need to bring a woman to squirting orgasm.

Oh. Ok, I guess you also need a woman that's cool with you wearing a huge ass wrist watch that basically works like some sort of vaginal traffic light mechanism that you stare at while acting like your hand is a polytron and her genitals are a mouse. No seriously watch the video on the site.

Once you got all that then you're set to follow algorithms specifically tuned by MARCUS LONDON for making women squirt. Not that any of us have any clue who this man is, though the video makes him out to be a hand model for mittens made from moist humans.

So what probably happened is they strapped a wiimote to the dude's arm, recorded a few sessions, averaged across the axes, and now it's just doing gesture speed recognition. It's pretty much measuring that your hand is going up and down at the right rate within the right area. Engineers are pretty good at shit like this now.

Seems like they might be missing some metrics though. MARCUS LONDON says that the band guides both movement and force, but I'm not sure they've got EMG capabilities in that watch. That said, I hope the people behind the Myo Band are paying attention, because this could be a killer app for no one ever.

Sadly, I don't think there's actually a tourbillon in the watch. Hell, there's not even an watch in the watch. It's just the bare circuit board and 3 surface mount LEDs. It would've been pretty fucking swank if there was a watch in the watch though. Just imagine the conversations you could have when a stranger asks you what time it is and you have to explain why your watch smells that way.

I'm actually slightly impressed that it's only $89. It's probably a $2 circuit in a stock, bulk-ordered watch body, but since they made a porn guy use the word "algorithm" you'd figure they'd at least make it 3 digits. Also, if this ever goes patent pending, I may have a new favorite patent application.

I really want one just so I can use it on every day activities though. Knowing that I'm shaking a bottle of condiments or scratching a lottery ticket in a way that would make it squirt would really brighten my day.

While watches for helping bring women to squirting orgasms are a new invention, watches for helping bring men to squirting orgasms have been around since the invention of watches.

This little bit of Whorology (SEE WHAT I DID THERE) brought to you via Lux's Post on Boinkology

Originally posted on Medium's Boinkology 101 Collection

While most sex toys work without the help of outside media, there are products that use movies or audio in order to enhance the experience. Since the mid-90's, there have been many toys for men that synchronize with movies, some even sold specifically to be used with movies by a certain porn performer.

Most toys for women don’t ship with media. It’s usually just the toy, controls, and enhancements added by the imagination, partners, or whatever else happens to be a part of your playtime. This isn’t to say they don’t exist at all, but just that there haven’t been many attempts to create a market for media driven toys.

With many people now carrying usable, high fidelity media players with them at all times in the form of cell phones, there’s a chance for that to change. Since these media devices are small and simple to use, there’s a higher probability someone would hook a toy up to it rather than use a large system.

By large system, I mean portable CD player. Really, when was the last time you used one? They’re huge compared to MP3 players now.

Let’s take a look at how basing control of women’s toys on media has played out in the past and present, and what may lie ahead in the future with Vibease’s announcement of an erotica marketplace shipping with their toy.

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Originally posted on Medium's Boinkology 101 Collection

There are people that believe that everyone should learn to program, regardless of demographic or obvious need. Programming solves, or will solve, everything. Program before you learn to read!

Yet, when shopping for new sex toys, most consumers don’t consider whether the toy can be programmed. The way it’s shaped, the way it feels, and what it does (or doesn’t do) are most important. Controls are usually an on/off switch and some manner of speed control.

As an engineer, I was originally fascinated by the idea of programmable sex toys, and wondered why there weren’t more available. It seemed like sex toys were an item where the ability to have infinite customizations would be desirable. Watching others learn very hard lessons about this has shown why we don’t see programmable toys on the market.

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Originally posted on Medium's Boinkology 101 Collection

Ask someone to name the one piece of tech that could fulfill everything they want to do sexually...

It is the holodeck.

It is always the fucking holodeck. The ultimate in seemingly responsibility-free fantasy fulfillment at the highest fidelity possible without being just plain old reality.

Unfortunately, we’re still a long way from the holodeck. Hell, current technology is on the third or fourth realization of early 1990's cyberpunk utopia sci-fi. It still reflects the dreams of Mondo 2000 and Lawnmower Man. EEGs, head mounted displays, and all sorts of sensors are now available on the consumer market at vaguely affordable prices, so developers are now trying to string them together to make better everything for us all, sex included.

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